Notes & Recipes

Blog on Buti Yoga NYC, Psychology, Self-Confidence and Social Issues.

Being the Momma! A strategy for solving your problems with empathy and soul

The Mothering

The Mothering
Whether you are confronting a chronic illness, depression, anxiety, lack of financial stability, or simply a range of ongoing dramas, more often than not you may be ignoring a clue from your soul. 


If you are truly ready to confront the issues and shine your light, I highly suggest working through the five following steps that take a Mothering (or creator’s) approach to confronting the real underlying issue(s). 

Step 1: Empathize with your problem/problems.
Imagine how a nurturing mother might speak to her daughter when exploring a problem. She wouldn’t shame her or make her feel inadequate because this would prevent her child from wanting to share her worries. You must do the same for yourself - EMPATHIZE — as you unravel the problem. Write your problem in a journal or simply open up a word document on your computer. Just flush out all of your concerns. Don’t edit.


For example, when I started to get honest about why I couldn’t find a long-term relationship, I noted the ratio of men to women in the city. I complained how this factor made it more difficult to find a man who wanted a commitment because they’d all be taken. I blamed my age, and how there were so many younger women with better bodies. I listed out my flaws including things like student loan and credit card debt. Who would want me? 


Step 2: Uncover your WHY.  
When you look at your problems it is really easy to opt for defeat mode. However, we have to switch over to mothering mode. Be your own support system. Ask yourself, “What benefit comes from solving this problem?"


I asked why with all of these challenges facing me did I want a relationship. 
The answer: I wanted a relationship because I was ready to have a teammate in life, and I want a family. I felt I had a lot of soulfulness and love to give. 


Step 3: Define the REAL problem(s). 
Mothers are often really amazing at helping us see what we do not want to see. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve felt angry towards my own mother for identifying my part in the problem. But here lies the secret, if you are constantly blaming your problem on everyone else, the problem likely lies with you. 


This was certainly the case in my longing for a relationship.  Even though on the surface I said I wanted a relationship, deep down I was so afraid that marriage would lead to violence, apathy or boredom. Therefore, I was choosing “exciting men.” I focused my efforts on the affluent or chartering men; those guys that can work a room. I imagined that if I dated and eventually married a guy who was magnetic or at least wealthy, that I would never be bored. 


However, when I looked at my “WHY” for wanting a relationship, the real life choices I made in partners were not fitting with my deep longing. I wasn’t dating the guy or guys who wanted a teammate. Quite the opposite, those guys didn’t want a relationship with me; they wanted the freedom to meet & mingle. 


Here I confronted my two major problems:

  • A limiting belief that marriages are boring or problematic. 
  • I was not choosing the men who had the characteristics of loyalty and true friendship. They were NOT teammate material. 

Step 4: IDEATE - generate possible solutions to your problem.
Just as a mother might help you generate possible solutions to your problem. Here you must take this on for yourself. 
Some of my personal solutions included:

  • End relationships with emotionally unavailable men.
  • Be honest on my dating profile that I was looking for a relationship/marriage. (This is something I had often lied about as not to seem desperate.)
  • Seek out examples of happy couples, and understand how they made it work.
  • Work on my own social charm, as not to rely on someone else to bring the party to me. 
  • Practice supporting friends in their endeavors to learn how to be a better teammate myself. 
  • Let someone’s actions be the true measure of their intentions.
  • Fail fast. If a relationship was not working, to end it quickly rather letting it simmer on and off. 

Step 5: Proceed with Baby Steps
The final step is to proceed with your possible solutions. You have to test them. Most importantly, you have to cheer yourself on and keep trekking forward when you hit the rough patches. We all have fails and disappointments, so we must learn to self-soothe and get back out there. If you need extra support, find a friend to act as an accountability partner or opt for a good therapist. 

As for me, I had someone from my past surface as I was going through my plan. (I believe the universe sometimes just likes to test our integrity.) I quickly let this relationship go for good in honor of making space for my soul desire. I explored other relationships and finally landed my love, who is my teammate. It feels amazing to have someone in my life who enjoys snuggling in bed and always says, "I love you," before leaving our home.  As for our future, I don't sweat it. I know in my heart that marriage and a family are next for us. 


On a final note, know that our growth takes time. In the moments you feel discouraged, try to appreciate that you are changing and evolving. New habits and beliefs sometime require more time to fully integrate into our beings. 

Your Body On Alcohol + Estrogen

I’ve recently been dealing with an issue, and I felt it was just too important to keep this information to myself. 

If you’ve been trying to lose weight by modifying your diet and exercising with little success, then this may be the missing link for you. 

And if that’s not you, cool. Just keep reading so you can educate yourself and help someone else. 

Let’s get started…

After the indulgent holidays, I wanted to lean up a bit and started to make edits to my lifestyle. I even started counting calories again. The scale wasn’t budging despite eating really clean and grain-free. Things weren’t adding up. I felt so bloated and sluggish.

So I started digging in to track everything.

And here’s the deal; the only edit I hadn’t made was my consumption of alcohol. Almost everyday, I was having a glass of red wine. It was my non-yoga OM moment at the end of a stressful workday. After all, isn’t red wine known for being heart healthy?

**WARNING: Lifetime spoiler alert ahead!**

Every diet/lifestyle book will tell you to cut back on alcohol, but they never tell you that this advice has to do with more than just additional calories or elevated blood sugar levels.  What no one seems to be talking about is HOW alcohol affects the hormone - ESTROGEN.

You know estrogen, right? It’s that hormone that controls your reproductive system. Many of us don’t give it a second thought unless we are trying to get pregnant or approaching menopause. 

But did you know estrogen is not only produced in your ovaries and adrenal glands but also in your fatty tissue?

Here’s where it gets tricky. Fat cells make estrogen, AND excess fat produces even more estrogen. All this excess estrogen signals your body to store more fat in the hips, buttocks and midsection. So what we are talking about here is a freaking estrogen circle jerk… One vicious cycle! This could result in a condition called estrogen dominance (symptoms are more common starting in your mid-30s).

So what’s alcohol got to do with it?

Your liver is responsible for metabolizing both estrogen and alcohol! Yet both these substances require glutathione, a detoxifier and antioxidant that breaks things down to a water-soluble compound that can be eliminated from the body. 

Studies show that even a small amount of alcohol can increase estrogen levels in the blood because both alcohol and estrogen are competing for the available glutathione. This battle for resources prevents adequate estrogen from being released from the body. So estrogen levels remain elevated contributing to fat storage. 

I know what you are thinking…Oh Hell No! No one’s making me give up wine!

The problem is that too much estrogen can lead to other critical issues like breast and cervical cancer. 

So what now? 

  • Clearly, take a break from alcohol if you are hitting a plateau that is preventing you from losing weight. 
  • Support your liver with the elimination of estrogen by eating avocado, walnuts and asparagus. Also vitamin C will stimulate your body to produce more glutathione. Eating foods rich in fiber will help you clear it through elimination (aka: poop).
  • If you are showing other signs of excessive estrogen in the body like trouble sleeping, fatigue, PMS, painful breast swelling, bloating, memory loss/foggy thinking, and decreased sex drive, go see your doctor to check for estrogen dominance!
  • Share this article with a girlfriend that might need this info. Especially any pear-shaped ladies (often a telltale sign of estrogen dominance).

I hope this info helps you understand your body better.  I know what it feels like to feel fatigued, bloated and not quite yourself as a result of issues you can’t quite identify yet. Our bodies typically operate so seamlessly that it’s really important that we pay attention to symptoms that prevent us from feeling our best; they are simply the body’s way of communicating that it needs some attention and TLC.

XO

Ms. Cole

Like this article? Share it!

Also, check out the Grain-free List and Secret to A Flat Belly!

To be clear here, I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor. However, my graduate work is in journalism, so I do have sources/research to back up my own findings. You can find them below:

Alcoholic Beverages As Sources of Estrogen

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh22-3/220.pdf

Estrogen Dominance

http://www.drnorthrup.com/estrogen-dominance/

Liver Metabolizing Alcohol and Estrogen 

http://www.womensinternational.com/connections/liver.html

Too Much Estrogen Can Make You Gain Weight - http://www.chatelaine.com/health/diet/how-having-too-much-estrogen-can-make-you-gain-weight/

 

 

Own 2016! Show them Who's Boss!


Happy New Year!

Wasn't 2015 an interesting year?

Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn. Serena Williams became the second highest paid athlete -- pulling in a total of $24.6 million. The USA Women's Soccer team won the 2015 FIFA World Cup. Harriet Thompson became the oldest women to run a marathon at the tender age of 92. Entrepreneur Miki Agrawal, who co-founded THINX, made period panties a topic of conversation and simultaneously supported girls in developing nations to go to school full-time.

Whatever your thoughts might be on those mentioned above, it's very clear that some women are going for it ALL. It's inspiring. It's invigorating. It's empowering.

This is my intention for our Buti community to GO ALL IN -- in order to -- GO ALL OUT! I want each of us to OWN our strength and capability on the mat and carry that mindset into our lives outside of the studio.

Most importantly, I intend for each of us to live more authentically.

Living authentically means being able to express all the many facets of yourself without shame. It's unbounded acceptance of your full range...from sex kitten to sage...from green juicer to martini sipper...from unsung hero to braggart.

It's about finding humor, love, and compassion for yourself in the joyful moments and heart-breaking disappointments. It's about taking the baby step forward when your heart goes OH HELL YES while your fear wants to keep you tucked safe in bed.

So let's do this together, my friend. Let's show up to mindfully recognize what holds us back from being ourselves and fuel up for living authentically.

XO,

Cole

Now you book Buti Yoga New York classes from your phone

I get it. You're busy creating, networking, brunching, and party hopping in the Hamptons. 

You've got a million and one ++  things to do before tomorrow, including getting a mani/pedi, buying a bridal shower gift, and preparing for that new biz presentation. And somewhere in that dwindling chunk of time,  you need to plan for next week's workouts, catch-up dinners, and grocery shopping. (Whoa. Breathe!)

Let's make this go down EASY like a nice glass of chilled rose.

I've moved my BUTI Yoga booking over to MindBody Connect. Why? Because online booking makes everyone's life simpler. 

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5-Minute Grain-free Banana Pancakes

You're grain-free, but lately you've been eyeing the pastry display at the coffee shop. (I see you. Believe me, I know the feeling.)

Before you give up, try some easy-peasy "5-Minute Grain-free Banana Pancakes." 

 

These pancakes are so simple, I often eat them before rushing off to the office or a meeting. They are also great with your coffee and almond milk for a nice relaxing Sunday morning.

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The Grain-free List

Recently, I started a grain-free lifestyle. I honestly wasn't certain if this was do-able. Taking bread out of my diet didn't even seem possible two months ago, but I decided to take it on as a challenge. 

The Result: I've experienced amazing side effects (aka: an indigestion issue that went away + more energy + more vibrant/younger-looking skin + weight loss). 

I've recently received emails and texts asking about my specific choices. I'm including them below with the understanding that I'm not a nutritionist. These are my choices based on journalistic research, and trial and error.  Your food choices might be completely different. You have to tune in to your own body, and see how your system reacts.

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The secret to a flat belly

You've cleaned up your diet, and you've tried every contraption to get rid of the belly pooch. The secret lies in balancing your abdomen and back muscles. Learn more about Buti Yoga Founder's secret Spiral Structure and why you need to ditch those sit ups and crunches ASAP!

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HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN SUGAR-FREE MARSHMALLOW MAGIC

We all have the readiness to show appreciation for kindness and to return it.  Our kindness can turn a hum-drum ride on the subway into a moment of pure insight and depth.   Kindness is like adding a sweet marshmallow topping to everything we do.

OHHH YEAH…that means, we are all magicians. We can evolve from our present moment and make sh*t happen.  After all, appreciation is the basis for creation and manifestation.  Don't be shy about showing some appreciation, especially to yourself.   Magic always begins with you. 

To learn more, click baby, click!

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A RELUCTANT VEGETARIAN’S THANKSGIVING

This week's Wildlings is by Carolyn Flood, the co-founder of NotMilk - a locally made, fresh nut milk designed with coffee lovers in mind. 

Carolyn recently quit her "safe" full-time job to build this business with her sister. She is an entrepreneur on a mission to bring some kick-ass nut milk to a coffee or latte near you. 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, she explored our annual ritual of killing turkeys and praying over them.  Just kidding... She uncovers what it's like to be a vegetarian, and of course, provided a NotMilk Pumpkin Pie "Cheese" Cake recipe, which will have your family & friends bowing down to you in gratitude. 

We love Carolyn's untamed outlook and her vintage leg warmers, and we are certain you will as well. Keep on reading...

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ARE YOU WORTH IT? LET'S WERK IT!

“Is it worth it, let me work it. I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.” – Missy Elliot

For the last few weeks, we have been tapping into our inner bitch. Yes, you know that inner fierce loud, thrashing and impatient voice that takes over abruptly like a volcano spewing out of every pore of your being, mostly when you have ignored problems and issues too long.  Maybe it had something to do with the Taurus Full Moon (the tendency during this time for the tides in nature and our aqueous bodies to run AWOL - aching to release unserving patterns and yearning for justice).  Something inside is saying, "You're worth more," but do you actually know your worth?!  Let's chat.

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LET'S PARTY WITH THE DEAD!

Day of the Dead—or Día de los Muertos as it's known in Spanish—is a Mexican holiday that is celebrated and recognized throughout many other cultures and parts of the world where it is known as Halloween, All Saints' Day,  All Souls’ Day, Ghost Festival, and Bon Festival.  In Mexico, folks prepare for days in advance of the celebratory days of November 1 and 2.  

 

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LIGHT IT UP

Get your candles, lamps, fireworks and bonfires illuminated because we have some stellar celebrations at our feet this week and days to come.

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